I find myself asking this question. The most amazing person I’ve ever known died suddenly almost 2 weeks ago and I’m still shocked, confused, hurt, breaking, broken.
Diana’s was a Life of Joy. Peace and Joy For Everyone was her mantra and the way she lived her life. She was my connection to People. Because she found a way to find something to like and to love in everyone. I usually just find myself wondering why. Why do People do the things they do? Why do they so often choose to hurt each other? Why will they ever put those they love through hell just to try to send someone they hate there.
But Diana saw none of that. She saw something to rejoice with in every Person she met. And, of course, everyone loved her for that. That she chose to spend so many, many years with me is something that still has me in awe. I cannot let anger consume me because I’ve spent over 21 years with the most amazing Person ever.
How do you define a life like hers? I’m stuck right now trying to define my own. It has been so intertwined with hers for so long, I struggle with how to do that, Or with how to move forward. But I have to do that. Because this wasn’t just my work.
It was hers as well. She encouraged me for years to do all of this. With every Person helped, she derived great joy. And I in watching her take such enjoyment from watching someone’s life improved. If I stop now, all she lived for is gone with it. And I won’t do that. I owe her that. And more.
I owe her making me feel purposeful for many, many years. I owe her having had a life and a reason to keep at it. I simply could never repay what I owe her.
But each day I’ll get up, get back to it and start trying to pay down that bill.
Rest now, Dearest of All.